Can I Get Out of My Own Head?

By the end of the day on 3/31/2022, I will find out whether I met “minimum requirements” on a 96 hour project I signed up for at the end of January. It is the Fundamentals of Actuarial Practice Final Assessment, and the last hurdle I have to get over to become an Associate in the Society of Actuaries. I will receive an email in my inbox between now and then that will either say “Meets Minimum Requirements” or “Fail”.

I’m anxious for a few reasons. I’ve been down this road twice before. The first time, I was cocksure, so a fail email hit me like a ton of bricks and knocked some humility into me. The second time, I was hesitantly confident. Still, another fail email was quite the gut punch.

This time around I’m looking for ways to get out of my own head.

I cannot control the decision that will be made. I am not in control of how the graders will look at my 20 page paper addressing the six long tasks they gave me. What I can do, is try my best to put this into perspective.

Russia is attacking the Ukraine right now, and innocent people’s lives are being lost and disrupted in devastating ways. These people are wondering where they’re going to get their next meal, where they’re going to sleep tonight, or where they may regroup and figure out how they’re going to proceed with the rest of their life.

I have a cousin and friend fighting cancer right now. They’re wondering if the treatments they’re getting are going to win that fight or not. Anxious? I don’t really know anxious.

Not to minimize what is going on in my own life and mind right now, but it is quite trivial once I frame it in the grand scheme of things. The result that is coming will potentially change my life for the better pretty minimally if I’m being honest (although it will feel good). The only negative way it changes my life is in my head, and how I let it negatively impact my life. I could give myself an ultimate pity party, or just shrug my shoulders and get back to work.

Disclaimer: I’m a hypocrite and do not have this figured out. I’m writing this only as a really hopeful guide that I want my mind to come back to if I hear bad news and negativity rears its ugly head.

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