My mom and I were talking sometime before her surgery, and she mentioned something that involved praying or prayer in the conversation. She then remembered, oh yeah, I don’t believe in that stuff anymore. This usually triggers a conversation about religion. What happened next was brief, but extremely enlightening.
I remember expressing that I felt pity for her because she wasn’t able to think outside the box. In other words, I perceived her way of thinking as closed. The parameters are set; they do not change. She gave me the same confused look I was about to give her when she expressed her pity for me for not being able to find any sort of peace. She was referring to never finding answers, continuously finding contradictions within the parameters she and others have set, and always on a quest for truth. A light turned on right above my head, just like in the cartoons. I said nothing further on the subject and we moved on.
A revelation came shortly after showing confusion myself, and thinking about why she was also taken aback. We both find peace and contentment in completely different places. What makes it difficult to accept for the both of us is that these places seem like hell holes for the other.
The reason I have been militant and angry with this subject, is that I once thought inside the box. I know, because I’ve lived it, that it is possible to break down the barriers of that box and think freely and there is peace in it. So, because I changed, I think other people will change too.
Truth is, however, I need to lighten the fuck up. Hopefully, you have been witnessing those efforts for a while now.